There is no such thing as the perfect programming language, no matter which one it is. Given that all programming teams are made by and of crazy people, this should not come as a surprise. Not only does your programming language suck, the framework you use sucks as well. The art of putting together thousands and thousands of bits in an effort to tell computers what to do is one huge pile of suck. Don’t think your programming language or framework sucks? Let’s investigate.
Things That Suck About AngularJS
- Documentation Sucks. On a positive note, this had led to many beginner tutorials on the internet. Don’t get too excited though, those suck too.
- DOM integration and directives Suck.
- Business Logic Sucks.
- Filter Caching Sucks.
- 3rd-Party integration Sucks.
- Its Hard As Hell.
Things That Suck About NodeJS
- Callback Hell.
- It actually does block.
- It doesn’t Scale.
- You will eventually abandon it.
So umm, yeah – Good luck with that Toy you call NodeJS.
Things That Suck About jQuery
- Overloaded Methods.
- You don’t even need it.
- It’s slow.
- You’ll do things you shouldn’t.
- this has different meaning.
Things That Suck About Python
- Global Interpreter Lock.
- Indentation Matters.
- People just don’t like it.
- copy.copy ?
- Ducks are for hunting.
- helps you make bugs.
Things That Suck About Django
Much like the other examples in this article, once we have identified a programming language that sucks, it is very easy to apply the same principles to their most loved(hated) frameworks written in the language. This brings us to Django, and why it sucks.
- Django is monolithic.
- It forces tightly coupled apps.
- Heavy reliance on Django ORM.
- Steep learning curve.
- All components get deployed together.
- Template Engine Sucks
Good luck with Django, where you can visit any time you like, but you can never leave.
Things That Suck About Flask
Really not much to say about Flask, except that is not much more than an April Fool’s Joke.
Things That Suck About Ansible
Things That Suck About Java
Now for one of my favorite programming languages to hate on, Java! It Sucks! In fact, it sucks so bad, that there is a list 29 bullet points long that cover every nasty detail of why it sucks so bad. Things such as:
- Garbage Collection will freeze Java.
- Exceptions and Value Checking are broken.
- Java does not handle static class members correctly.
- The syntax is so verbose you will have carpal tunnel syndrome after your first project.
- The dreaded CamelCase.
- Iterators Suck.
- Methods and Classes of the same name.
- Best Java Blog Ever.
- Write Once, Run Away.
- It’s a big fat bloated mess.
Things That Suck About Spring MVC
Things That Suck About Android
Things That Suck About Ruby
Sometimes, someone just lobs you a softball – and you swing and knock it out of the park. In this case, Ruby is up for sucking, and it excels at the suck like none other.
- It suffers from Perlisms.
- WTF is a downcase?
- Even it’s creator thinks it sucks.
- Automatic Returns. Good luck with that.
Things That Suck About Ruby on Rails
- Rails Lies.
- Rails is full of junk.
- It turns people into idiots.
- Noobs can’t even get it installed.
- Rails is a Ghetto.
- Rails Doesn’t Scale.
- Rails is yesterday’s software
Things That Suck About PHP
PHP takes sucking to a whole new level. There are entire armies of vagrants throwing PHP developers into lit fireplaces for the sins of worshiping at the alter of PHP. PHP sucks so bad, it’s hard to know where to start. We will try our best however.
- It sucks so bad, it’s not even funny.
- Virtually every feature of PHP is broken in some way.
- ‘0’, 0, and 0.0 are false, but ‘0.0’ is true
- Too much random stuff!
- Null Bytes and Serialization.
- Unable to fix bugs since old sites depend on those bugs to continue bugging.
- OOP in PHP Sucks.
- The PHP Community Sucks.
Things That Suck About Laravel
Things That Suck About Symfony
Things That Suck About Codeigniter
- Autoloading Sucks.
- htaccess sucks.
- The people who wrote it couldn’t wait to get rid of it.
- Nobody uses it anymore. Good Bye Community.
Things That Suck About C
- C has no strings.
- 99% of all C programs will have memory leaks.
- C is not memory safe.
- Unrestricted pointers are dangerous.
- C Programs are akin to criminal negligence.
Things That Suck About Linux
You may think Linux has, or is on the verge of, saving the world. And you would be wrong about that, because Linux Sucks. After all, it is written in C, a sucky programming language. So from sucky programming languages come sucky operating systems.
- Linux is more complicated than you can handle.
- Even Microsoft Windows is better than Linux.
- Linux Networking Sucks.
- Software is better when free.
- If Linux is the future, the future is awful.
The Sucky Conclusion
Did you happen to notice anything about the languages and frameworks we discussed in this post, other than the fact that they all suck? The most sucky languages and frameworks appear at the top of the article, and move downward from there. Now, the funny thing is, is that the languages and frameworks also follow a similar pattern of popularity according to Google Trends, Github star count, and Tiobe rankings, and other factors. This brings us to this most ironic conclusion: The most popular languages, suck the most. You could also say it this way, the programming languages that suck the most, are the most popular. You see how that works? So if you see your tool or framework in this list, do not be dismayed. Consider it the highest praise and compliment. If your language or framework did not show up on this list, you have some work to do. If it’s not here, people don’t care about it. People don’t start to bitch and moan until there is some level of widespread adoption. In fact, the more a programming language or tool is used, the more people will complain. It’s just the nature of things in this industry.