Your Programming Language Sucks

programming sucks

There is no such thing as the perfect programming language, no matter which one it is. Given that all programming teams are made by and of crazy people, this should not come as a surprise. Not only does your programming language suck, the framework you use sucks as well. The art of putting together thousands and thousands of bits in an effort to tell computers what to do is one huge pile of suck. Don’t think your programming language or framework sucks? Let’s investigate.

Things That Suck About JavaScript

Things don’t get much suckier than JavaScript. JavaScript is the all time champion of suckiness. JavaScript is such an ass backwards programming language, it is a wonder it even still exists. JavaScript suffers from poor design, a terrible type system, stupid features, in fact missing features, and the worst of all, the DOM api.

If you are so inclined, you can learn more about the bad and awful parts of the JavaScript language.

Things That Suck About AngularJS

You may be thinking, “But wait! I use AngularJS and it saves me from all of the suck of JavaScript!” Not the case pal. Guess what? That’s right, AngularJs Sucks. So what makes AngularJS so sucky? I’m glad you asked!

Combining the awful parts of HTML and JavaScript into one awful super language like AngularJs may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but thankfully, we find it still sucks.

Things That Suck About NodeJS

The only thing that might have a chance of being as crappy as AngularJS is this dumb idea of server side event driven IO crap JavaScript which has come to be known as NodeJS. Boy oh boy, does NodeJs bring the suck.

So umm, yeah – Good luck with that Toy you call NodeJS.

Things That Suck About jQuery

jQuery was one of the first JavaScript Frameworks to really take off and gain universal adoption. As such, there must be a fair amount of things that suck about jQuery, and alas, there are indeed many things that suck.

Things That Suck About Python

Python is loved by true engineering types and various circles in academia but that does not save it from one simple fact. Python Sucks.

Things That Suck About Django

Much like the other examples in this article, once we have identified a programming language that sucks, it is very easy to apply the same principles to their most loved(hated) frameworks written in the language. This brings us to Django, and why it sucks.

  • Django is monolithic.
  • It forces tightly coupled apps.
  • Heavy reliance on Django ORM.
  • Steep learning curve.
  • All components get deployed together.
  • Template Engine Sucks

Good luck with Django, where you can visit any time you like, but you can never leave.

Things That Suck About Flask

Really not much to say about Flask, except that is not much more than an April Fool’s Joke.

Things That Suck About Ansible

Things That Suck About Java

Now for one of my favorite programming languages to hate on, Java! It Sucks! In fact, it sucks so bad, that there is a list 29 bullet points long that cover every nasty detail of why it sucks so bad. Things such as:

  • Garbage Collection will freeze Java.
  • Exceptions and Value Checking are broken.
  • Java does not handle static class members correctly.
  • The syntax is so verbose you will have carpal tunnel syndrome after your first project.
  • The dreaded CamelCase.
  • Iterators Suck.
  • Methods and Classes of the same name.
  • Best Java Blog Ever.
  • Write Once, Run Away.
  • It’s a big fat bloated mess.

Things That Suck About Spring MVC

Things That Suck About Android

Things That Suck About Ruby

Sometimes, someone just lobs you a softball – and you swing and knock it out of the park. In this case, Ruby is up for sucking, and it excels at the suck like none other.

Things That Suck About Ruby on Rails

Things That Suck About PHP

PHP takes sucking to a whole new level. There are entire armies of vagrants throwing PHP developers into lit fireplaces for the sins of worshiping at the alter of PHP. PHP sucks so bad, it’s hard to know where to start. We will try our best however.

Things That Suck About Laravel

Things That Suck About Symfony

Things That Suck About Codeigniter

Things That Suck About C

Things That Suck About Linux

You may think Linux has, or is on the verge of, saving the world. And you would be wrong about that, because Linux Sucks. After all, it is written in C, a sucky programming language. So from sucky programming languages come sucky operating systems.

The Sucky Conclusion

Did you happen to notice anything about the languages and frameworks we discussed in this post, other than the fact that they all suck? The most sucky languages and frameworks appear at the top of the article, and move downward from there. Now, the funny thing is, is that the languages and frameworks also follow a similar pattern of popularity according to Google Trends, Github star count, and Tiobe rankings, and other factors. This brings us to this most ironic conclusion: The most popular languages, suck the most. You could also say it this way, the programming languages that suck the most, are the most popular. You see how that works? So if you see your tool or framework in this list, do not be dismayed. Consider it the highest praise and compliment. If your language or framework did not show up on this list, you have some work to do. If it’s not here, people don’t care about it. People don’t start to bitch and moan until there is some level of widespread adoption. In fact, the more a programming language or tool is used, the more people will complain. It’s just the nature of things in this industry.